1
00:00:02,880 --> 00:00:05,720
This programme
contains very strong language

2
00:00:05,720 --> 00:00:08,400
You've got to feel
sorry for Sergeant Hogg.

3
00:00:08,400 --> 00:00:11,080
Lost an eye, poor fucker.

4
00:00:11,080 --> 00:00:14,480
But on the plus side,
half-price sunglasses.

5
00:00:14,480 --> 00:00:16,240
And the Annual Wedge
fancy-dress ball,

6
00:00:16,240 --> 00:00:18,520
he can always go
dressed as a pirate.

7
00:00:18,520 --> 00:00:21,760
Maybe he could get a bionic eye,
see through walls?

8
00:00:21,760 --> 00:00:23,480
Oh, that'd be fucking mint!

9
00:00:23,480 --> 00:00:27,120
Still, he's got his crown jewels.
What more does he want?

10
00:00:27,120 --> 00:00:29,920
It may be your dream to have
more balls than eyes, Mac,

11
00:00:29,920 --> 00:00:32,080
but maybe Sergeant Hogg would have...

12
00:00:32,080 --> 00:00:34,760
EXPLOSION

13
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'Bluestone 42.

14
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'Bluestone 42, respond.'

15
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COUGHING

16
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MUFFLED: Skip? Skip?

17
00:01:35,160 --> 00:01:38,760
Skip, you OK? Skip?

18
00:01:42,840 --> 00:01:46,960
Zero Alpha this is... Oh, shit.
The antenna's fucked!

19
00:01:46,960 --> 00:01:50,480
Skip? Skip?
UNMUFFLED: Get off me!

20
00:01:50,480 --> 00:01:52,680
You're bleeding, you fucking numpty!

21
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Oh, God, I'm bleeding!
Man down! Man down!

22
00:01:58,800 --> 00:02:00,920
Medic! Oh, I'm hurt.

23
00:02:01,960 --> 00:02:05,160
Oh, actually...
Actually, it's not that bad.

24
00:02:06,680 --> 00:02:10,480
Oh, it's... No, that's stopped.
I'll be fine.

25
00:02:10,480 --> 00:02:12,240
I am fine.

26
00:02:12,240 --> 00:02:16,080
Thanks for that reverse panic
attack, Simon. Is anyone else hurt?

27
00:02:16,080 --> 00:02:19,080
Bird? Towerblock? I'm OK. Fine.
Legs?

28
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I'm fine. And I told you,
don't fucking call me Legs.

29
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So what is your name?
It's Private Leggatt.

30
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You're not helping yourself.
How are we in the cab?

31
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All right. Fine.

32
00:02:29,720 --> 00:02:31,640
OK, so we're all OK.

33
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No, we're not!

34
00:02:33,320 --> 00:02:35,480
I've lost all my Haribo.

35
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Bloody hell, Rocket!

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'Hello, Bluestone 42.

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'This is Zero, respond.
Over.'

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I'm fucking trying. Radio's fucked.

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CHATTERING

40
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OK, everyone, shut up! Breathe.

41
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Legs, I want you to tell
the other vehicles we're all OK

42
00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:02,400
but we're going to give it
a 30-minute soak.

43
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Everyone's OK, 30-minute soak.

44
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Guys, this is our lucky day.

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Bollocks!
CHATTERING

46
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No, no, listen. We all survived.
Now, that's lucky.

47
00:03:16,560 --> 00:03:20,480
We have tweaked the nose of death

48
00:03:20,480 --> 00:03:23,280
and we have
lived to tell the tale.

49
00:03:23,280 --> 00:03:24,560
Bollocks we have.

50
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The mastiff's designed with
a V-shaped hull,

51
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shock mounted seating...

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You are not listening, Towerblock.

53
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OK, the main thing is no-one's
really hurt

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and we all got a lovely
burst of adrenaline.

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Ooh, found one.

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No, I haven't.

57
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Ah!
THE LAUGH

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Towerblock, what the fuck?

59
00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:48,080
It's just a game, boss.

60
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What's it called, Punching People
In The Head? You've heard of it?

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You take it in turns to punch
each other in the head

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00:03:53,080 --> 00:03:54,520
when they're not expecting it.

63
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I had the punch, I punched Mac,
now Mac has the punch.

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Can I play? Aye.

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Ow!
HE LAUGHS
OK...

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Stop it now.

67
00:04:07,200 --> 00:04:09,960
And thank you, Towerblock,
for introducing my infantry escort

68
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to this charming game, particularly
at this tactically low-risk moment.

69
00:04:15,080 --> 00:04:19,800
OK, so, we had a close call but,
balls on the table...

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Uh! ...this was my fault.
Oh, come on, boss.

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There's no way you could have
known...

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No. We know this is a blind spot,
we should've

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barma-ed the road but I'm
going to get us all back to base

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like a bunch of fucking legends.

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Ah! Got ye.

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What? Back to base like a bunch
of fucking legends

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and the padre will be all over you.

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"Ooh, you're my hero.

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"Come to my bosom. In fact,
come on my bosom. Oh!"

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Oi! Mac, show some respect.
She's a major,

81
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she's a padre, she's a decent woman.

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Ah! So you've finally fucked her?

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What?

84
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No. You gave her one.
You feel bad about it,

85
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so suddenly she's a decent woman.

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Yeah, well, I haven't, actually,
so... I haven't.

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Bird, has he fucked the padre?
Yes or no.

88
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No. There you go, fucked her, QED.

89
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Did you really?
Oh, right, thanks a bunch, Bird.

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I fucking said "no"!
He totally has though.

91
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Holy shit, boss!

92
00:05:13,680 --> 00:05:17,000
I hope this doesn't compromise the
pastoral care. All right, enough.

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MASTIFF CREAKS

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And you know what?
I could do worse than Mary.

95
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I HAVE done worse,
I've done a lot worse.

96
00:05:27,800 --> 00:05:29,320
Not you, Bird.

97
00:05:29,320 --> 00:05:32,000
I didn't mean to look
at you when...

98
00:05:32,000 --> 00:05:34,480
ANYWAY, we've got to get to safety.

99
00:05:34,480 --> 00:05:39,640
I can't believe you, you know,
had sexual intercourse with her.

100
00:05:39,640 --> 00:05:41,400
You know what?

101
00:05:41,400 --> 00:05:43,040
I think that Mary and I
might actually

102
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have a fucking future together.
I mean, this is huge.

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That's what she said!

104
00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:48,800
Er, it's not that huge.

105
00:05:48,800 --> 00:05:51,040
Yes, all right. I said "enough"!

106
00:05:51,040 --> 00:05:53,840
Right, now, because there
is a high chance of ambush,

107
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we're going to do everything
in the right order, yeah?

108
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So we don't all get, you know,
killed.

109
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So, 30-minute soak, relax,
spin some dits.

110
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Yes. Take a moment
to smell the roses...

111
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whatever that smell is.

112
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Yeah, and also let's not just
walk out into an ambush.

113
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So, here's the plan.
What we're going to...

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MASTIFF CREAKS

115
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Shit! Boss? Nick? Nick? Shit.

116
00:06:21,480 --> 00:06:23,440
Nick! Nick!

117
00:06:23,440 --> 00:06:25,240
Slap him, wake him up.
Shut up, Mac.

118
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Thought you'd want to slap him
after what he said about the padre.

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It's fucking serious.
OK. We need to move him,

120
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get him into the recovery position,
check his airways.

121
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Grab his legs, Simon.
Easy, easy, easy!

122
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OK, there's a medic in the Jackal.

123
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We search our way over...

124
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Hang about, what happened to wait
here, 30-minute soak time?

125
00:06:43,440 --> 00:06:45,280
He needs a medic, numbnuts.

126
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He's breathing.

127
00:06:46,480 --> 00:06:48,920
Oh, thank you, Dr Fuckwit MD.

128
00:06:48,920 --> 00:06:50,920
Get those doors open now! Don't!

129
00:06:50,920 --> 00:06:52,400
Excuse me, I'm in charge here.

130
00:06:52,400 --> 00:06:55,200
I'm just doing what the boss said
and I'm number two so...

131
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Number two.

132
00:06:59,400 --> 00:07:02,600
Number twos are jobbies.
I was Acting Sergeant

133
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but turned down promotion to stay
with this bunch of twats.

134
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That was quite touching, actually.

135
00:07:06,800 --> 00:07:09,920
All right, then. Act like a
sergeant. Think about your men.

136
00:07:09,920 --> 00:07:11,760
What happens when we get out there?

137
00:07:11,760 --> 00:07:15,280
We could walk into an ambush.
Bang-bang, he's dead.

138
00:07:15,280 --> 00:07:18,240
Bang-bang, HE'S dead.
People running for cover

139
00:07:18,240 --> 00:07:21,800
and then what if there's
secondary devices? Boom! That's him.

140
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Not so lucky now.

141
00:07:23,160 --> 00:07:25,360
And then he wakes up
because he's only knocked out

142
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and he's basically fine,

143
00:07:27,040 --> 00:07:30,960
and these lot are all in body bags
cos you weren't thinking straight.

144
00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:34,120
Want to know what I think? No.

145
00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:35,440
As the boss said,

146
00:07:35,440 --> 00:07:38,680
the safest place to be
is in a heavily armoured metal box.

147
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I've found one!

148
00:07:43,280 --> 00:07:45,240
OK. OK, we stay put.

149
00:07:45,240 --> 00:07:48,600
But he isn't "basically fine".
No ambush, no secondaries,

150
00:07:48,600 --> 00:07:51,240
we get him to a hospital but
half an hour later than we could.

151
00:07:51,240 --> 00:07:53,800
Too late, he's dead
and we spend years feeling like shit

152
00:07:53,800 --> 00:07:55,960
because we didn't get
him a fucking medic.

153
00:07:55,960 --> 00:07:58,040
So this is me thinking straight, OK?

154
00:07:58,040 --> 00:08:00,040
We search our way over
to the other vehicle now.

155
00:08:03,680 --> 00:08:06,840
Fine, fine, we'll do it your way.
Rocket, Simon,

156
00:08:06,840 --> 00:08:08,360
hold me out the back.

157
00:08:08,360 --> 00:08:11,680
Legs, tell the other vehicles
we need a medic now.

158
00:08:11,680 --> 00:08:13,520
Oi! We need a medic.

159
00:08:14,640 --> 00:08:17,120
By the way, my unit call me 50-cal.

160
00:08:17,120 --> 00:08:18,720
Shut up, Legs.

161
00:08:25,560 --> 00:08:28,760
Medic's here. How's the ATO?

162
00:08:28,760 --> 00:08:31,520
Passed out, breathing normally.

163
00:08:31,520 --> 00:08:32,920
He's not bleeding.

164
00:08:32,920 --> 00:08:35,800
With you ASAP. Rest of you OK?

165
00:08:35,800 --> 00:08:40,960
I've sustained mild injuries
but I'm fine.

166
00:08:43,080 --> 00:08:44,840
Quite lucky, actually.

167
00:08:47,160 --> 00:08:49,800
Such tenderness, such care.

168
00:08:49,800 --> 00:08:53,520
All right, Mac.
I fucked him once, ages ago

169
00:08:53,520 --> 00:08:56,360
when we were drunk and we said
we'd never speak of it again.

170
00:08:56,360 --> 00:08:57,600
How's that going?

171
00:08:58,800 --> 00:09:01,040
I don't even fancy him.
HE MIMICS A KLAXON

172
00:09:01,040 --> 00:09:02,360
I don't!
HE MIMICS A KLAXON

173
00:09:02,360 --> 00:09:05,480
Fuck off! I've seen far too much
of his bullshit to still fancy him.

174
00:09:05,480 --> 00:09:08,680
"Still"? So you fancied him once?

175
00:09:08,680 --> 00:09:11,640
Briefly.
HE LAUGHS

176
00:09:11,640 --> 00:09:14,560
Oi, you fuckwits, you nearly
dropped me then! Sorry.

177
00:09:14,560 --> 00:09:16,840
And now you're not over him. I am!

178
00:09:16,840 --> 00:09:19,920
HE MIMICS A KLAXON
I fucking am, all right?

179
00:09:19,920 --> 00:09:22,960
I don't think about him,
I don't care who he's shagging,

180
00:09:22,960 --> 00:09:26,560
has shagged, wants to shag...
I simply don't care what he wants.

181
00:09:26,560 --> 00:09:27,720
NICK GRUNTS

182
00:09:27,720 --> 00:09:29,520
Nick?! Nick?!

183
00:09:34,360 --> 00:09:37,280
You know what you should do
to get over him?

184
00:09:37,280 --> 00:09:39,880
Before you go on, does this involve
me having a threesome

185
00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:41,480
with you and Rocket's mum?

186
00:09:41,480 --> 00:09:42,800
Mmm, ideally

187
00:09:42,800 --> 00:09:45,080
but there's more than one way
to skin a cat...

188
00:09:45,080 --> 00:09:48,000
as we found out
when we had all those feral cats.

189
00:09:49,400 --> 00:09:52,760
All right, if I wasn't over him -
which I am -

190
00:09:52,760 --> 00:09:55,960
what should I do?
Which I'm not going to do.

191
00:09:55,960 --> 00:09:58,840
You make a list of all
his bad points.

192
00:09:58,840 --> 00:10:03,280
Then whenever you start fancying him
again, just bring out the list.

193
00:10:03,280 --> 00:10:06,400
Genius, I'd deffo do that
if I wasn't over him,

194
00:10:06,400 --> 00:10:08,040
which I totally am.

195
00:10:08,040 --> 00:10:09,360
And...

196
00:10:09,360 --> 00:10:11,920
you could draw a cock and balls
on his forehead.

197
00:10:11,920 --> 00:10:15,960
You cannae fancy someone with
a cock and balls on his forehead.

198
00:10:15,960 --> 00:10:17,600
I'm totally doing that.

199
00:10:24,400 --> 00:10:26,240
So, tell me what's happened.

200
00:10:26,240 --> 00:10:27,920
An ammo box dropped on his head.

201
00:10:27,920 --> 00:10:29,680
Probably a bit of concussion.

202
00:10:29,680 --> 00:10:33,360
Oh, and Simon's gone mental,
keeps saying today's his lucky day.

203
00:10:33,360 --> 00:10:35,880
Probably a bit of a cunt.

204
00:10:35,880 --> 00:10:38,920
Blimey, best medic ever!
I'm not going to fuck you.

205
00:10:45,760 --> 00:10:48,640
You two vallon round the vehicle.
OK. On it.

206
00:10:50,000 --> 00:10:52,400
He's been out for five minutes.

207
00:10:52,400 --> 00:10:55,040
Five minutes? What? What is it?

208
00:10:55,040 --> 00:10:57,160
You didn't draw
a cock and balls on his head?

209
00:10:57,160 --> 00:11:00,240
Well, I couldn't find a marker pen
amongst all this crap.

210
00:11:04,480 --> 00:11:06,040


211
00:11:06,040 --> 00:11:07,640


212
00:11:07,640 --> 00:11:09,120


213
00:11:09,120 --> 00:11:12,560
Bit of medical advice -
stop fucking singing

214
00:11:12,560 --> 00:11:14,080
or I'll stab you in the larynx.

215
00:11:16,920 --> 00:11:20,480
So, relief company's on their way,
still no secondaries.

216
00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:23,800
Right. I'd best get some
evidence phots for the boss.

217
00:11:24,800 --> 00:11:27,880
Oh, and, Bird,
good call with the medic,

218
00:11:27,880 --> 00:11:29,400
you were probably right.

219
00:11:29,400 --> 00:11:32,400
Probably right
or was actually right?

220
00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:34,720
Sound similar
but are quite different.

221
00:11:34,720 --> 00:11:37,720
OK. I just thought your judgment
was off cos you and Nick have, er...

222
00:11:37,720 --> 00:11:39,880
Oh, Jesus Christ! It was one fuck.

223
00:11:39,880 --> 00:11:42,560
Which is precisely one more fuck
than the amount of fucks

224
00:11:42,560 --> 00:11:44,440
I give about Nick Medhurst
right now.

225
00:11:44,440 --> 00:11:47,400
So will people please stop fucking
going on about it?!

226
00:11:52,560 --> 00:11:54,400
Not over him.

227
00:11:54,400 --> 00:11:57,720
Too right. Here, Simon,
pass us the forensic kit.

228
00:11:57,720 --> 00:11:59,680
Sure thing, daddio!

229
00:11:59,680 --> 00:12:03,960
Bloody hell, dickwad!
You are very welcome.

230
00:12:13,040 --> 00:12:15,240
Fuck was that?

231
00:12:15,240 --> 00:12:20,600
A punch. It's no your go.
Oh. I've got the punch.

232
00:12:20,600 --> 00:12:22,120
Oh!

233
00:12:24,200 --> 00:12:29,280
Fair play.
And you still owe me one so...

234
00:12:29,280 --> 00:12:30,600
Oh, aye.

235
00:12:30,600 --> 00:12:32,440
Oh!

236
00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:37,280
It's no so good
when you're expecting it.

237
00:12:37,280 --> 00:12:38,720
I wasn't expecting it.

238
00:12:38,720 --> 00:12:41,160
But you just asked me to punch you.

239
00:12:41,160 --> 00:12:43,800
Oh, aye.

240
00:12:43,800 --> 00:12:46,040
So now you can punch me.

241
00:12:46,040 --> 00:12:47,080
Brilliant!

242
00:12:48,240 --> 00:12:52,120
No! You've got to do it
when I'm not expecting it.

243
00:12:52,120 --> 00:12:55,120
Right. Are you expecting it now?

244
00:12:55,120 --> 00:12:56,320
Aye!

245
00:12:57,720 --> 00:12:59,640
Oh!

246
00:13:01,720 --> 00:13:04,080
THEY GIGGLE

247
00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:08,880
Oi!
It's for Weapons Intelligence.

248
00:13:08,880 --> 00:13:11,800
WISWO! So you're saying we need
to look intelligent? Ooh, photo op.

249
00:13:11,800 --> 00:13:12,960
No.

250
00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:15,440
Oh, come on, Towerblock,
one for the album.

251
00:13:15,440 --> 00:13:17,600
The day of destiny.

252
00:13:17,600 --> 00:13:20,960
Nothing like a near miss
to put things in perspective.

253
00:13:20,960 --> 00:13:23,520
A near miss, Simon,
or a direct hit?

254
00:13:23,520 --> 00:13:27,040
Help us put aside
our petty squabbles.

255
00:13:27,040 --> 00:13:28,080
Right.

256
00:13:29,120 --> 00:13:31,880
Oh. Oh, actually, yeah,
that's a good idea.

257
00:13:31,880 --> 00:13:34,800
Yeah, forgive and forget.
Oh, he's getting it.

258
00:13:34,800 --> 00:13:36,160
So you, for example, won't be

259
00:13:36,160 --> 00:13:39,400
at all bothered that
I broke your iPod speakers.

260
00:13:39,400 --> 00:13:41,440
What?
Yeah, I mean, on a day like today,

261
00:13:41,440 --> 00:13:43,640
that just doesn't matter,
does it?

262
00:13:43,640 --> 00:13:46,680
Exactly. They're just speakers.

263
00:13:46,680 --> 00:13:48,040
Big deal.

264
00:13:49,640 --> 00:13:51,440
Sorry,
how exactly did you break them?

265
00:13:51,440 --> 00:13:53,160
They just stopped working.

266
00:13:53,160 --> 00:13:56,400
Sure, sure. Who cares?

267
00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:58,160
They were quite robust those.

268
00:13:58,160 --> 00:14:00,160
They're just some
high-street electronics

269
00:14:00,160 --> 00:14:03,040
that you can replace for, what?
20 quid? Something like that.

270
00:14:03,040 --> 00:14:05,040
They were £39.99, but whatever.

271
00:14:05,040 --> 00:14:07,600
Glad to see we're discussing
the retail price of things,

272
00:14:07,600 --> 00:14:09,200
rather than, I don't know,

273
00:14:09,200 --> 00:14:14,120
say, The Taliban, secondary
devices, general warry shit.

274
00:14:14,120 --> 00:14:17,520
Sorry. Anyway, I don't think
there'll be any secondaries,

275
00:14:17,520 --> 00:14:20,920
not today. Not now Lady Luck
is playing our favourite...

276
00:14:20,920 --> 00:14:22,560
Bird, secondary.

277
00:14:22,560 --> 00:14:24,880
Mark and avoid.

278
00:14:24,880 --> 00:14:26,680
Sorry, Simon, you were saying?

279
00:14:26,680 --> 00:14:29,400
Well, it's... Bird, another one!

280
00:14:32,200 --> 00:14:33,480
Two...

281
00:14:35,520 --> 00:14:40,520
Of course there are secondaries,
Towerblock, this is Afghanistan

282
00:14:40,520 --> 00:14:42,520
but we haven't been ambushed,
have we?

283
00:14:42,520 --> 00:14:44,600
Nobody's shooting at us so...

284
00:14:44,600 --> 00:14:48,280
BULLETS RICOCHET
Cover! Get down! Take cover!

285
00:14:50,600 --> 00:14:53,280
Where the fuck are they?
Can anyone see?

286
00:14:53,280 --> 00:14:54,880
They're bloody close.

287
00:14:56,600 --> 00:14:59,080
Shit! They shot me
in the fucking head!

288
00:14:59,080 --> 00:15:00,600
Technically, the helmet.

289
00:15:01,960 --> 00:15:03,280
Lucky you, see?

290
00:15:03,280 --> 00:15:05,760
Are you fucking mental?!

291
00:15:05,760 --> 00:15:08,560
Not now, you fucking moron!

292
00:15:08,560 --> 00:15:11,120
You said when you don't expect.

293
00:15:11,120 --> 00:15:12,400
How many are there?

294
00:15:12,400 --> 00:15:14,080
Half a dozen?

295
00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:15,120
Eight?

296
00:15:16,560 --> 00:15:19,120
Ten? Shit! Mac, rocket on me.

297
00:15:22,560 --> 00:15:25,280
Enemies. Multiple ten, 150 metres.

298
00:15:25,280 --> 00:15:27,320
RAPID FIRE!

299
00:15:38,160 --> 00:15:41,160
Everything all right, loves?
Boss, get back inside!

300
00:15:42,600 --> 00:15:43,840
No fucking heroics, Sir.

301
00:15:43,840 --> 00:15:46,560
You need to be careful in case
there's a subcranial bleed.

302
00:15:46,560 --> 00:15:49,560
I'm feeling both tickety and boo.

303
00:15:49,560 --> 00:15:52,240
Yeah, that's the funny thing
about bleeding around the brain.

304
00:15:52,240 --> 00:15:56,120
I had one recently. REME Sergeant
banged his head on a Jackal.

305
00:15:56,120 --> 00:15:57,840
Out cold, came to,

306
00:15:57,840 --> 00:16:01,480
lucid for about two hours
and then...he dropped dead.

307
00:16:01,480 --> 00:16:03,600
SHE CHUCKLES

308
00:16:03,600 --> 00:16:05,480
It's not VERY funny, is it?

309
00:16:05,480 --> 00:16:07,800
Oh, you'll be fine...probably.

310
00:16:20,360 --> 00:16:23,520
OK, we need to think
about an extraction plan, so...

311
00:16:23,520 --> 00:16:25,160
INCOMING!

312
00:16:30,400 --> 00:16:33,240
We've got minutes before they get
the aim right on those.

313
00:16:33,240 --> 00:16:34,640
We are fucked!

314
00:16:37,640 --> 00:16:39,280
Oh, fucking hell!

315
00:16:39,280 --> 00:16:40,800
Man down! Medic!

316
00:16:41,800 --> 00:16:43,200
Oh, shit!

317
00:16:45,440 --> 00:16:47,360
Coming!

318
00:16:47,360 --> 00:16:51,480
Don't operate any heavy machinery,
avoid stressful situations.

319
00:16:53,320 --> 00:16:54,600
I'll do my best.

320
00:17:01,200 --> 00:17:02,560
Private Sykes, down there.

321
00:17:02,560 --> 00:17:04,440
We'll cover you. OK. Oh, if I die,

322
00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:07,520
make sure Captain Medhurst
gets a scan. What for?

323
00:17:07,520 --> 00:17:11,360
Subcranial bleed. You don't
want him to drop dead over dinner.

324
00:17:11,360 --> 00:17:13,560
Unless it's jelly. Boing!

325
00:17:14,880 --> 00:17:16,800
I should go.

326
00:17:16,800 --> 00:17:18,280
Covering fire!

327
00:17:18,280 --> 00:17:20,880
Where did you get shot,
you useless prick?

328
00:17:25,360 --> 00:17:27,400
Nice day for it.

329
00:17:27,400 --> 00:17:29,760
Boss, get back in the van!
We've got this.

330
00:17:29,760 --> 00:17:32,000
Really? Cos it looks like
a gale-force shit storm

331
00:17:32,000 --> 00:17:34,320
that you totally haven't got.
Incoming!

332
00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:39,040
Jesus! Fuck me!

333
00:17:39,040 --> 00:17:41,520
Taliban are moving.
They're trying to flank us.

334
00:17:41,520 --> 00:17:42,800
Roger that.

335
00:17:46,040 --> 00:17:47,680
What's that?

336
00:17:47,680 --> 00:17:50,360
I'm getting
a sort of high-pitched whine.

337
00:17:50,360 --> 00:17:52,440
What? Eh? Boss, you're concussed.

338
00:17:52,440 --> 00:17:55,880
No, I'm fine
but I can definitely hear something.

339
00:17:55,880 --> 00:17:59,000
Bird!
They're moving round the side.

340
00:18:01,480 --> 00:18:03,560
Right, here's the plan -

341
00:18:03,560 --> 00:18:05,760
we bugger the fuck off.

342
00:18:05,760 --> 00:18:08,400
OK. We use the dead ground to
the north of that track,

343
00:18:08,400 --> 00:18:10,880
keep our arses low, make our way
to those vehicles and...

344
00:18:12,280 --> 00:18:14,080
Oh, fuck me!

345
00:18:14,080 --> 00:18:15,360
OK, so let's not do that.

346
00:18:15,360 --> 00:18:18,360
OK. New plan - we leave by that
road. Yeah, but it's riddled

347
00:18:18,360 --> 00:18:21,040
with IEDs. That's because it's
the best route out.

348
00:18:21,040 --> 00:18:23,160
We bring back Sykes,
I blow the devices in situ.

349
00:18:23,160 --> 00:18:25,160
We get back to
base like fucking legends...

350
00:18:25,160 --> 00:18:28,120
But you're... ..and whatever Mac was
imagining me doing with Mary,

351
00:18:28,120 --> 00:18:29,360
I am totally doing with Mary.

352
00:18:29,360 --> 00:18:31,760
Please tell me that is
not why you're going down there.

353
00:18:31,760 --> 00:18:33,960
Of course not. Not entirely.

354
00:18:33,960 --> 00:18:35,240
Towerblock, back me up!

355
00:18:35,240 --> 00:18:37,640
He's in no state to start
fucking about with explosives.

356
00:18:37,640 --> 00:18:39,520
You're right. She's right.

357
00:18:39,520 --> 00:18:42,640
Look, Boss, we keep our position
here, the Apaches will be here soon.

358
00:18:42,640 --> 00:18:46,320
And they will have a fantastic
view of a dead ATO, a dead bleep

359
00:18:46,320 --> 00:18:48,160
and a dead...what does he do again?

360
00:18:48,160 --> 00:18:49,840
You are fucked in the head, Boss!

361
00:18:49,840 --> 00:18:51,720
I'm kidding, I'm fine.

362
00:18:51,720 --> 00:18:53,960
No, you weren't!
The medic said you need a scan.

363
00:18:53,960 --> 00:18:57,560
Oh, shit, I forgot my pocket MRI.
Right, PE7.

364
00:18:57,560 --> 00:18:59,040
Whoa!

365
00:18:59,040 --> 00:19:01,360
I just stood up too fast -
I am fine.

366
00:19:01,360 --> 00:19:02,640
Boss...?

367
00:19:05,240 --> 00:19:08,800
We're going to run short on ammo
if this carries on much longer.

368
00:19:08,800 --> 00:19:10,600
Try hitting them, Skip.

369
00:19:10,600 --> 00:19:12,120
Thank you, McDowell(!)

370
00:19:13,680 --> 00:19:15,800
It's OK, everyone,
choppers are here!

371
00:19:15,800 --> 00:19:18,040
NO ROTOR SOUND / ONLY GUNFIRE

372
00:19:18,040 --> 00:19:19,200
No...

373
00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:22,200
No, it was just that whining noise
again, it's gone.

374
00:19:22,200 --> 00:19:23,360
Right - I'm going down.

375
00:19:23,360 --> 00:19:25,800
You can't use a vallon,
your hearing's all over the place.

376
00:19:25,800 --> 00:19:29,280
They do vibrate as well, you know.
I am as steady as a rock.

377
00:19:29,280 --> 00:19:32,080
Enough twatting about now, Boss.
I'm coming down there with you.

378
00:19:32,080 --> 00:19:34,760
One man risk. No.
This man, massive risk.

379
00:19:34,760 --> 00:19:37,000
Two men, and we might just get
everyone out of here.

380
00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:38,160
I do not need you!

381
00:19:38,160 --> 00:19:40,680
I promise that I will not tell
the padre that you had help.

382
00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:42,880
SHE SIGHS EXASPERATEDLY

383
00:19:42,880 --> 00:19:45,000
All right, go get a vallon
and some PE7.

384
00:19:46,680 --> 00:19:48,280
Happy? No!

385
00:19:48,280 --> 00:19:50,600
Good. Right, we need both of those
two back here now.

386
00:19:50,600 --> 00:19:53,400
Rocket! Go and give the Medic a hand
bringing back Sykes.

387
00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:55,280
Roger that.

388
00:19:55,280 --> 00:19:56,800
They're moving again.

389
00:20:01,520 --> 00:20:04,400
In three - one, two, three.
Go, go, go.

390
00:20:04,400 --> 00:20:07,320
Right, we need a metric
fuck-ton of covering fire.

391
00:20:07,320 --> 00:20:08,800
Boss, this is insane!

392
00:20:08,800 --> 00:20:10,520
Your mum is... Zing!

393
00:20:12,800 --> 00:20:14,920
Right. I made that list.

394
00:20:14,920 --> 00:20:16,440
Aye?

395
00:20:16,440 --> 00:20:21,000
He's arrogant, doesn't listen,
self-obsessed,

396
00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:23,640
sexually incontinent, childish, petty

397
00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:27,200
and he keeps making stupid
jokes about being concussed.

398
00:20:27,200 --> 00:20:31,560
If your list is that long, I don't
think you're over him at all.

399
00:20:31,560 --> 00:20:34,840
Bollocks! Oh, I'm not, am I?

400
00:20:34,840 --> 00:20:38,840
He's a lanky, posh twat
and I'm not bloody over him.

401
00:20:38,840 --> 00:20:40,240
Shit! Fuck!

402
00:20:40,240 --> 00:20:43,680
Argh! Shitting fucking fuckballs!

403
00:20:43,680 --> 00:20:44,960
Told you.

404
00:20:48,760 --> 00:20:50,320
Right, Boss, you're up.

405
00:20:52,520 --> 00:20:54,280
Right, what's your advice now, then?

406
00:20:54,280 --> 00:20:56,080
Let me guess, punch him in the head?

407
00:20:56,080 --> 00:20:58,240
No, violence never solves anything.

408
00:21:01,280 --> 00:21:05,960
If he goes on about Mary,
just nod and smile and move on.

409
00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:08,680
Uh-huh.
Thanks for the girlie chat, Mac.

410
00:21:08,680 --> 00:21:10,080
No bother.

411
00:21:10,080 --> 00:21:11,920
So much easier with men.

412
00:21:11,920 --> 00:21:13,200
And a gun.

413
00:21:25,480 --> 00:21:27,320
What am I doing again?

414
00:21:27,320 --> 00:21:28,640
Oh, yeah - bombs.

415
00:21:28,640 --> 00:21:29,800
Erm...

416
00:21:32,880 --> 00:21:35,760
Just stay still, would you?

417
00:21:38,720 --> 00:21:40,040
Huh.

418
00:21:49,760 --> 00:21:51,080
Home time!

419
00:21:57,760 --> 00:22:00,160
You fucking ARE concussed!

420
00:22:00,160 --> 00:22:02,080
What? No, it's dodgy oysters.

421
00:22:02,080 --> 00:22:03,240
What?

422
00:22:04,840 --> 00:22:07,080
Shit, get in the mastiff!

423
00:22:07,080 --> 00:22:08,520
All right, all right!

424
00:22:23,760 --> 00:22:26,480
Right, order of march.
Mac, you go point.

425
00:22:26,480 --> 00:22:28,920
Grab the vallon,
search beyond the devices.

426
00:22:28,920 --> 00:22:31,800
Simon, go last man.
Everyone squared?

427
00:22:31,800 --> 00:22:33,840
Any questions?

428
00:22:33,840 --> 00:22:35,320
Do I still have the punch?

429
00:22:41,880 --> 00:22:45,680
Ah, look, the not-particularly-quick
Reaction Force is here.

430
00:22:45,680 --> 00:22:48,000
Nick! Nick, are you all right?

431
00:22:48,000 --> 00:22:50,320
Yeah, I'm fine, shut up.

432
00:22:50,320 --> 00:22:52,280
GUNFIRE

433
00:22:52,280 --> 00:22:54,280
Let's go, superstars!

434
00:23:02,080 --> 00:23:03,640
Good work, Boss.

435
00:23:03,640 --> 00:23:06,520
Genuinely can't remember what I did.

436
00:23:06,520 --> 00:23:08,600
You will tell Mary what I did,
right?

437
00:23:09,920 --> 00:23:12,480
HELICOPTER ROTORS WHIRR

438
00:23:12,480 --> 00:23:15,240
Ah, now I can hear Apaches.

439
00:23:18,640 --> 00:23:21,120


440
00:23:21,120 --> 00:23:23,280


441
00:23:26,520 --> 00:23:29,040


442
00:23:36,080 --> 00:23:37,440
Home, sweet home.

443
00:23:39,360 --> 00:23:42,400
Hello, Captain.
Wasn't expecting you back so soon.

444
00:23:42,400 --> 00:23:44,160
This won't be smoked for hours.

445
00:23:44,160 --> 00:23:46,160
Is that ham? Out here?

446
00:23:46,160 --> 00:23:47,480
Ham-style goat.

447
00:23:47,480 --> 00:23:49,560
Mmm, tasty.

448
00:23:49,560 --> 00:23:52,400
Erm, yeah! Very tasty.

449
00:23:52,400 --> 00:23:54,280
Worth every penny.

450
00:23:54,280 --> 00:23:56,080
Is the padre in? I think so.

451
00:23:56,080 --> 00:23:57,800
You need to see the medic.

452
00:23:57,800 --> 00:23:59,160
Padre first.

453
00:23:59,160 --> 00:24:00,280
Nick...

454
00:24:01,880 --> 00:24:03,880
He needs to go to
Bastion for a scan.

455
00:24:03,880 --> 00:24:07,360
Ah! The eternal bond between the ATO
and his bleep. Touching(!)

456
00:24:08,800 --> 00:24:09,960
Carry on.

457
00:24:09,960 --> 00:24:11,520
Sir.

458
00:24:11,520 --> 00:24:14,400

so don't forget it

459
00:24:14,400 --> 00:24:17,920

I'm going through.

460
00:24:21,360 --> 00:24:22,840
Yes! Better!

461
00:24:23,960 --> 00:24:25,000
Oh...

462
00:24:35,480 --> 00:24:36,640
So, Mary...

463
00:24:38,600 --> 00:24:41,320
Now, this isn't going to sound
like me and I don't think

464
00:24:41,320 --> 00:24:44,400
it's the concussion talking,
and I am definitely not ruling out

465
00:24:44,400 --> 00:24:47,920
another fantastic fuck
on the desk, but...

466
00:24:47,920 --> 00:24:49,800
I've realised something today.

467
00:24:51,520 --> 00:24:52,920
You and me, we've got...

468
00:24:55,840 --> 00:24:57,480
..very little in common.

469
00:24:59,440 --> 00:25:00,960
So you are...?

470
00:25:00,960 --> 00:25:03,360
I'm the new padre, Keith Turnbull.

471
00:25:04,920 --> 00:25:08,240
Is there anything I can help with?

472
00:25:08,240 --> 00:25:11,440
Where's Mary...May...
Major Greenstock?

473
00:25:11,440 --> 00:25:14,600
She requested a transfer. Urgently.

474
00:25:14,600 --> 00:25:16,720
And now we know why.

475
00:25:16,720 --> 00:25:18,040
Shit.

476
00:25:19,080 --> 00:25:20,200
Really?

477
00:25:22,080 --> 00:25:23,240
Bloody hell.

478
00:25:28,440 --> 00:25:31,640
Here's your speakers. The light
comes on, but there's nothing doing.

479
00:25:31,640 --> 00:25:35,560
Oh, yeah, sometimes the volume
resets to zero. Eh?

480
00:25:38,400 --> 00:25:41,680
MUSIC: Beautiful Day
By U2

481
00:25:44,760 --> 00:25:48,600
Hmm? See? Some days do just
work out for the best.

482
00:25:48,600 --> 00:25:52,080
Here's to fate,
destiny and Lady Luck!

483
00:25:52,080 --> 00:25:55,120
Jesus, ah!

484
00:25:55,120 --> 00:25:57,880
Shit! Fucking hell!

485
00:25:59,040 --> 00:26:01,000
It's just not your lucky day,
is it, Simon?

486
00:26:02,280 --> 00:26:04,960
Yeah, well, you owe me
£39.99, Towerblock. Nick!

487
00:26:06,400 --> 00:26:07,880
They should be water resistant!

488
00:26:09,720 --> 00:26:10,880
She's gone, Bird.

489
00:26:10,880 --> 00:26:12,560
What?

490
00:26:12,560 --> 00:26:13,800
Mary.

491
00:26:14,840 --> 00:26:16,120
She's gone.

492
00:26:16,120 --> 00:26:17,920
Really?

493
00:26:17,920 --> 00:26:20,520
Shit, who am I going to take
the piss out of now?

494
00:26:21,840 --> 00:26:24,160
Too soon?

495
00:26:24,160 --> 00:26:26,280
I genuinely thought we could have...

496
00:26:28,200 --> 00:26:29,640
Never mind.

497
00:26:29,640 --> 00:26:32,160
Right, you. CAT scan.
Transport in ten.

498
00:26:32,160 --> 00:26:35,040
Cheers. Hey, maybe
Mary's still at Bastion!

499
00:26:35,040 --> 00:26:36,280
If I can find her, then...

500
00:26:36,280 --> 00:26:38,880
Oh, Boss, if it wasn't for your
possible subcranial bleed,

501
00:26:38,880 --> 00:26:40,960
I would punch you in the head.

502
00:26:40,960 --> 00:26:43,760
What?! Instead, I've got to do this.

503
00:26:43,760 --> 00:26:44,920
Oof!

504
00:26:44,920 --> 00:26:47,720
Stop going on about fucking Mary!

505
00:26:51,680 --> 00:26:53,160
Yes, I know.

506
00:26:56,080 --> 00:26:58,200
I've just had
an idea for a new game -

507
00:26:58,200 --> 00:26:59,840
kicking people in the balls!

508
00:27:00,880 --> 00:27:02,040
OK.

509
00:27:02,040 --> 00:27:03,560
Oh!

510
00:27:04,640 --> 00:27:06,120
Brilliant.

511
00:27:06,120 --> 00:27:08,520
MAC LAUGHS